It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
