how can u be prego again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
