i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
