She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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