So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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