At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
