He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
