i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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