i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
