I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I die, sorry about rent.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
