i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize