I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am spending my child support on dildos
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
