Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am naked and annoyed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
