I can text with my tongue
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
