I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
