i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
