he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
