You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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