at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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