No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
