College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
