Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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