is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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