I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
