he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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