If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
