ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
