Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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