singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
