apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
