My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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