Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
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