He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
