So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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