Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When are your genitals available?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
