I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
