Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
