no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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