Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
