How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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