this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize