your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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