Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
