I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
