It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
