this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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