I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
