I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
