U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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