i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
