i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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