i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
