i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
