life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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