i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
