can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
