Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
