I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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