oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
