Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I currently don't understand fingers.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
