I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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