If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
