my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
