I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
