Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
