It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize