Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
