Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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