so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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