you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
