There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
