I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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