tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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