My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
