So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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