so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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