How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
